A Job Well Done
by Stella-Muse
Summary: Captain Hammer E-mails Dr. Horrible under a pseudonym and watches the Doctor's webcasts to get his answer. In the process, he acts like an oblivious moron, a bigot, and a hypocrite. Lovely. More POV's since added.
1. Captain Hammer

_WHEE!!! This one was fun to write! Captain Hammer is truly amazing. He just doesn't get it. He is so clueless that it was almost painful to write. But it was oh so much fun._

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Captain Hammer gave himself a pat on the back for a job well done. Or at least, he tried to, but he couldn't quite reach. After all, even though he WAS the strongest man to ever have existed (he chuckled at the thought), everyone knew that no one could touch the middle of their back, and he thought that he had broken so many records already that there was no use breaking any more. But even so, he did give it a good try as he watched the screen in front of him. His assistant, Miles, who was there to do the menial chores in his apartment so he could practice his smile and other heroic stuff, had set it all up for him while he had been in his shower.

He watched as the man on his screen blinked up at him, not knowing who was watching. The man on his screen was scrawny, with mussed blonde hair and understated blue eyes. The blonde man had started off his web-cast with a rather pathetic evil laugh, causing Captain Hammer to shake his head pityingly at him. Then the blonde man had gone off on a mini rant about how he was seeing a vocal coach and how some people "ignored the laugh", causing Captain Hammer to smile condescendingly at his screen. 'Well at least he realized he had lots of room for improvement' he had thought to himself. Then the man had started on his ambitions to join the ELE, the biggest league of villains on this side of the country. Captain Hammer had shaken his head mockingly, there was no way a half-wit like Doctor Horrible would EVER be able to get into the ELE, not as long as he, Captain Hammer, corporate tool, hero of the people, savior of innocent souls, and general… whatever the person in charge was called, was around to stop him.

Then the doctor had finally gotten around to responding to the emails. Captain Hammer's was the first one he answered, written under a different name of course, and the doctor even complimented the writer on his use of sarcasm, more proof that he wasn't ELE material. He obviously didn't know when people were mocking him, a skill that Captain Hammer was quite sure he had mastered. Then, in response to the question that Captain Hammer had written, The doctor had started lying through his teeth and producing false evidence in order to not lose face. Captain Hammer knew that this was a sign of weakness, and that he himself would have had no problem confessing to his faults _if_ he had had any.

Captain Hammer listened to the rest of the web-cast with half an ear, as he was starting to get bored. It wasn't until the end, when the doctor spontaneously broke out into song, that he started paying attention again. He listened with interest as the doctor started singing about his ladylove, who apparently didn't know he existed. The doctor also apparently saw her at the laundromat when he was there doing laundry. Captain Hammer sneered, repulsed at the idea of doing laundry, his own or anyone else's. Then, mid-song, someone entered the doctor's home, and he quickly turned off his webcam. Captain Hammer sat back in his chair, thinking how stupid the doctor must be to put all that out on the internet where anyone smart enough to turn on their computer could watch it.

"Miles!" he called, and his assistant (or sidekick, as they called it in the Hero's League) walked out from where he had been cooking in the kitchen.

"Yes, _Captain_ Hammer." He asked, his voice low and admiring.

"How do you turn this thing off? I can never remember..." Captain Hammer said, trailing off as he looked at the screen in front of him in utter confusion.

"Like this, _sir_." Miles said reverently, striding over and pushing a button on the side. "I can't say I blame you for not knowing, it's not like I've shown you before more than a _hundred_ times!" He said, before stomping back to the kitchen 'Probably upset over leaving my presence.' Captain Hammer thought to himself, before going into the bathroom to practice his smiles in the mirror some more. This hero stuff was a lot of work.

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_*Shakes head* He doesn't even realize that Miles is mocking him, so sad, so sad. He really is a hypocrite. I'm thinking of doing this from other people's point of view as well. Next up – Penny. _


	2. Penny

**Hey everyone! I'm sorry that this was not posted earlier, but a bunch of things came up and there was a period of time really recently when I didn't have the computer that this was on. Now I have the computer, minus the internet connection, and my school's network bans the site, so I'm borrowing my friends laptop. I hope you enjoy it! **

**EDIT: Hey! I just realized that all of the various transfers -from computer to email to computer to website, etc- had completely screwed with the format and even got rid of a word here and there... Oops. So here's the actual version for your enjoyment!**

* * *

Penny sighed as she slumped into the chair- it had been a long day. She looked around cautiously, taking note of the students at the other computer stations, before reaching into her bag and pulling out her mp3 player. She took her headphones off and slipped the player back into the bag, plugging the cord into the computer in front of her and placing the buds in her ears. It wouldn't do to play it over the speakers; this was after all a public library.

She typed in the URL and watched as the page loaded, taking a deep breath and adjusting the volume almost unconsciously before pressing play. The window came to life, revealing a skinny blonde man blinking nervously at the camera. Penny didn't even try to fight the smile that overtook her face at the sight- she knew from past experience that it was pointless. The smile grew as she listened to him laugh, and talked a tad awkwardly about seeing a vocal coach.

She knew that he was a villain, and that as a responsible citizen she really shouldn't, but every week without fail she went to the library and watched all of his new webcasts. She had stumbled upon his blog completely by accident, and she had immediately become hooked. Everything he said made sense, even though she didn't always approve of the means he used to achieve his goals, and she couldn't help but watch.

She smiled when he talked about standards- no cutting corners for him. She sighed when he said that there had been no response from the ELE, though from disappointment or relief she wouldn't be able to tell you. At the mention of the letter of condemnation from the deputy mayor, her smile faltered. She was sad that he felt the world was so messed up that he had to be a villain to fix it, however, she also sympathized, and was as disappointed as he was with the current hierarchy, which placed heroes on pedestals and villains at the bottom of the pile, with absolutely no regard for motives or reasoning or skill.

She held her breath as he pulled out the e-mails. The first one was derisive in its message, it's writer obviously watching the blog only to see the results of Captain Hammer's beatings. She smiled as he snarked at the writer, giggling quietly as he used sarcasm to put down the clumsily written letter. Watching as he pulled out the gold bars, she had to put a hand over her mouth to prevent herself from laughing out loud at his explanation. Then he mentioned how it smelled like cumin, and she had to pause the video until she regained control of herself.

She was still smiling widely a minute later when she pressed play. She thought the freeze ray sounded like a good idea- after all, who couldn't use a few extra hours a day? The next email was from Johnny Snow. She laughed quietly- she had seen him in the paper a couple of times, but he was clearly no match for her Dr. Horrible. Then she pressed pause again, and stared at the blonde man at the screen for a couple of moments. Her Dr. Horrible? Where had that come from? She was supposed to hate the guy, for goodness sakes! She had never met him in real life, and the only time she had ever seen him was on a computer screen! And although he did look rather adorable when his goggles were pushing his hair up in the front like that, that was no reason to get all possessive over him… Right?

She sighed and pressed play yet again. He told Johnny Snow, yet again, that they were not nemeses, and that his nemesis was Captain Hammer. Then he said a couple of lame excuses as to why he hadn't shown up, making Penny smile even wider. And then he said something about there being kids in the park where Johnny had wanted to meet, and Penny could have sworn her heart melted a tiny bit.

And then he read her email. She had written it the previous week, right after multiple night shifts, and she had been feeling like crap. So she had written him an email- something she wouldn't have dared to do if she had been functioning on a good nights sleep- and had asked a question that had been in the back of her mind since day one. Who was 'her'? Penny refused to admit that there might have been even hint of jealousy in the prompting of that question, for her own peace of mind.

And then he broke into song. Penny laughed through the whole thing. He really was cute.

And sweet.

And awkward, and funny, and- God, she was letting her thoughts run away with her.

But then, in the middle of the song, someone had walked though the door to the room he was in, and he abruptly turned of the webcam. She stared at the screen for a moment in incomprehension before sighing and logging off of the computer. She removed her headphones and stuffed them in her bag as she walked out of the library. She was sad, because that had been the only new entry, but she still had a smile on her face as she walked out into the sunny afternoon. She had sort of gotten the answer to her question, which she considered a job well done, especially considering how scatterbrained he could be.

* * *

**Soooo... Whadda ya think? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!**


	3. Johnny Snow

Johnny Snow was not having a good day. He stormed into his apartment, slamming the door behind him and tossing his parka onto the couch. He stormed over and turned on his computer, before pacing back and forth in front of it like a caged animal. It always took forever to boot up, the ancient hunk of scrap metal.

When it finally dinged, signaling it was ready to use, he threw himself violently down into his chair. Taking a deep breath, he calmed down enough to use the keyboard without snapping off one of the keys- again.

He fidgeted as he waited for the page to load, slowly working himself back into a fury again- if the doctor had blown him off again today to post another of those ridiculous videos he'd blow a fuse.

The page finished loading, he leaned forward, and- Yep, he blew him off to post another stupid video. Johnny swore and stood up, knocking his chair over backwards. He stormed savagely to the in-home gym set up in his living room and proceeded to beat the stuffing out of one of his punching bags.

Once he finished, he walked back to the computer and sat down, intent on finding out what, exactly, was so important that he had gotten blown of for a video blog.

The first thing Johnny hears is a laugh, an obnoxious, forced laugh that grates on his nerves. Ugh. The second thing he hears is the nervous ramblings of a twitchy blond man with no sense of style- welding goggles? _Really_? And apparently he needed a voice coach to tell him how to laugh. _God this guy is pathetic_. He wished he didn't have to deal with the squinty-eyed idiot, but defeating him was a mission from the Hero League, and once he managed to corner the man in a fight, he was confident in his ability to defeat the weakling. After all, Captain Hammer had no problems with him, and if Captain Hammer could do it, than any hero worth his salt could as well. After all, Captain Hammer was the bottom standard- all muscle no brains, far more of a public front than anything else.

After he pounded the wimp, he could just chalk it up as a job well done and move on with his life. But he still had to find a way to corner the little bugger. Johnny did have to admit, as pitiful a villain he was, the little man was abnormally clever.

The doctor pulled a sheaf of papers across the desk, and proclaimed that they were emails. He then proceeded to make a fool of himself by trying to save face about the fact that he transported someone's dinner, rather than the gold bars he was aiming for.

Then he read Johnny's email. And proceeded to attempt at looking down his nose. He failed miserably. So maybe that e-mail had been a little strongly worded, but he was getting tired of trying to chase mediocre villains around. Then he proceeded on about how he was trying to change the world, and called Johnny a poser in a parka. Pathetic, really. Why was he going after this guy again? Oh yeah, Hero League, promotion, following orders, all that jazz.

And then- he broke into song. Johnny stared at the screen for a long moment before calmly pausing the video. He sat there for a moment, processing what had just happened, and then he fell out of his chair laughing.

He finally managed to compose himself after several long moments. He hauled himself off of the floor and settled back onto his seat. Then he pressed play and had to repress sniggers as Horrible sang about a girl. This man was clearly love-sick.

Before the doctor had finished his song, a door slammed behind him as someone entered the room, and he hurriedly turned off the web-cam. Johnny sat back, grinning widely.

"Well now, _that _was interesting..."

* * *

Sorry for the wait, heh… I finished this earlier today during English class- we were in the library because our teacher was absent, and we were supposed to be researching for a project. So, naturally, my muse decides that it would be a good time to finish this. Oh well. The fourth one should be appearing soon, but if it takes a while, don't be afraid to give me a good kick to get me up and running again.


	4. Moist

**Hey, guys! Sorry it's been so long, but my muse just wasn't co-operating. I got a request to do the LAPD next, and I tried, I honestly did, but I never got beyond the first two paragraphs. That combined with the whole "Senior year, graduating high school, _WTF_" thing going on, it's been rough. BUT! Now I am officially graduated, and have a _glorious_ summer with no obnoxious summer assignments or anything, before I head to the big bad world of college. So anyways, I'm kind of crazy right now, what with the senior class all-night party, and graduation parties right and left, and this jumped out of my imagination, got me in a chokehold, and forced me to write it down. Enjoy!**

* * *

Billy built moist his phone. It's technically illegal, because it piggybacks on various service providers -the strongest signal available from his location, he hasn't had a dropped call since he got it- without paying any of them. Which is kind of nice, not having phone bills or a limited number of texts. But anyways. It's waterproof, which was one of the reasons for it's existence in the first place, and can surf the web and play videos. That's what he's doing right now, sitting in his car in the parking lot of Billy's apartment building and watching his webcast live on his phone.

He does this every day, for several reasons. The first is because he doesn't want to interrupt, and if he watches he can wait until Billy's done. The second is because he enjoys the webcasts, and if he doesn't watch them when they happen then he won't get around to it for days, and by that time there'll be a backlog. And then the third reason. His least favorite reason. He watches so if Billy starts to say something too incriminating, he can interrupt. He will interrupt, even though he hates doing so, because if he doesn't, Billy might say something he would regret, and that is something he cannot -_will not_- tolerate.

So he sits in the drivers seat, his arms resting on the steering wheel and Billy's mail sitting on the passenger seat beside him, watching the webcast on his phone as the car gradually heats up around him from the California sun.

So he laughs mildly along in his way as Billy opens with his evil laugh.

So he quirks a brow, smiles slightly, and settles back into his seat as Billy talks about vocal coaches and standards, nodding along without ever realizing it.

So he shakes his head at the lack of response from the ELE, and rolls his eyes in fond exasperation at the talk of condemnations and minor bureaucrats and unconsciously crosses his fingers.

So he sits and smiles smugly as Billy disses the first writer, and smiles in amusement at the bag of transmatter... stuff... which actually _does_ smell like cumin -_rotten_ cumin- and has been stinking up the apartment for a week, and smiles proudly at the first mention of the freeze ray that has been Billy's baby for the past four months.

So he grimaces as Billy reads Johnny Snow's email, an expression that doesn't fade as he talks of nemeses and injuries.

So he perks up in his seat as "her" is mentioned, and as Billy breaks into song he unbuckles and opens the car door, blindly stepping out of his car and shutting the door, never taking his eyes off of his phone.

So he realizes that the mail is still sitting innocently on the passenger seat, and opens the car door again, still not taking his eyes off of his phone as he leans forward awkwardly and grabs it, tucking it beneath on arm and closing the door again, slightly harder than might be otherwise necessary.

So he fumbles for his keys with one hand as his other holds the phone, and takes five tries to actually get the key into the lock without looking, and realizes after precisely seven seconds that he is turning it the wrong way.

So he walks up the stairs as fast as he dares, eyes still glued to his phone, and one hand hovering anxiously over the railing.

So he reaches the landing, and finally tears his attention from his phone and slips it into his pocket before resting his eyes on the 4J emblazoned on Billy's door.

So he takes a deep breath and opens the door, walking in and then closing it with an audible thump.

Billy jumps and turns around, eyes wide

"Hey, Doc."

Billy turns off the camera and starts speaking, and for a moment before he responds, Moist congratulates himself on a job well done.

* * *

**Aaaaaaaaand... That's it for now! I may do the LAPD next, but since it's giving me so much trouble, I may do Bad Horse or something else instead... And it might not be up for a while, because I am the queen of sporadic updates... Also! I may or may not be editing Penny's chapter, because I just re-read it, and _dang_ it is crap!**


	5. Billy

Five years. Had it really been five years? The numbers on the screen were implacable. It had been five years, he just hadn't wanted to admit it. The gaping hole in his chest still ached and stung as much as it had the day it was gained, maybe more. The sounds of the world around him still echoed about in the emptiness where his heart used to be.

His hands shook, and his grip on the mouse tightened convulsively. A tentative click, and the video popped up on his screen, the transparent play button hovering over the face of himself from more than five years ago. Another click, and the sound of awkward laughter echoed out from the speakers.

He grimaced. The laugh was stilted and artless, and neatly emphasizes how naive and innocent he was.

He watched the video with detached interest, staring intently at the screen but too lost in memories to fully focus.

On the screen he was bumbling, insecure, and oh-so-sure that he knew best. The memories it dredged up -of bullies and depression and science and self doubt- are almost physically painful, fighting for dominance and beating his psyche to a bloody pulp in the process. The same demons that haunted him five years ago still remained, joined by others as time went on and growing larger every day. He cannot escape them now, is to entangled in their grasp.

The sight of what he once was, so young and bright and doomed, reminds him how when he was given the chance to shed the weight of the ghosts of the past, he had willingly chosen to sink deeper into them. He watched as his past self sang, and found himself mouthing the half remembered words. The shards that remained of his heart break even more, crumbling into dust.

When the video ended, he turned off the computer and sat in silence for several moments, staring at the black screen. Then with an abrupt, savage movement, he shoved the computer off of the back of the desk, watching with vicious satisfaction as the screen shattered and a loud crunching noise filled the air.

As Dr. Horrible pulled his goggles down over his eyes and walked out the door of the abandoned apartment with the giant armchair and the secret rooms and the tubes hanging out of the ceiling, Billy sank back into the morass of writhing secrets hidden beneath the veneer. And as Dr. Horrible set fire to the entire complex, watching the flames turn the entire building to ash with an unholy glee and no regard for any people that might have been inside, Billy disappeared completely.

* * *

_Now the nightmare's real_

_Now Dr. Horrible is here _

_To make you quake with fear _

_To make the whole world kneel _

_And I won't feel _

_A thing._

* * *

**Wow, that was a bit depressing... Not to mention completely out of line with the others... Oh well! Thanks to everyone who reviewed or added this story to their favorites or story alerts, and many apologies for the wait.**


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